Children Keeping it Simple, Teaching Simplicity

A few inspiring comments from my teachers in simplicity, children.

• I was participating in Seattle’s Martin Luther King, Jr., March and Rally this year with some of the faculty, students and parents from the school I work at. During the march one of our first graders looked up at me and said, “Oh, I know why you’re here today, Ashley.” “Why?” I asked. “Because this is all about friendship… and you’re the friendship teacher.”
  
  (fyi: I host Friendship Groups, a class that all the students in the class participate in just like math or reading. The aim is to help students deepen their ability to connect with and understand themselves and others. It's all about friendship... with ourselves, others and the world around us!)
  
  
• During Obama's presidential inauguration Rev. Joseph Lowery was talking about love,
  "And now, Lord, in the complex arena of human relations, help us to make choices on the side of love, not hate; on the side of inclusion, not exclusion; tolerance, not intolerance."
  
  I looked in front of me as a Kindergartner was staring down at his little hands, shaping them into a heart. That image summed up where my hope for our future lies... in love.
  
  
• After the inauguration we hosted an Open Space with the 3rd graders. One child's closing remarks, "I learned that when everyone pitches in just a little bit, it can make a giant difference."
  
  
• Words of wisdom that a 2nd grader told me over lunch one day that I am practicing and trying to better embody, "Just listen until your mind gets deeper and then you'll understand."

I am so grateful for all the gifts that are bestowed upon me by these wise humans who are so willing to share their world.

heart photo by samantha celera

Keep Your Brain Entertained

An interesting npr segment on how active our brain gets when we are bored. Daydreams can suck us into an ever-interesting world of distraction. According to this article, if you want to stay engaged with the content at hand, keep your body engaged on something such as doodling. Don't let the mental activity get the best of you if you want to continue focusing, give your hands something else to do.

When the brain lacks sufficient stimulation, it essentially goes on the prowl and scavenges for something to think about. Typically what happens in this situation is that the brain ends up manufacturing its own material.

In other words, the brain turns to daydreams, fantasies of Oscar acceptance speeches and million-dollar lottery wins. But those daydreams take up an enormous amount of energy.

The function of doodling, according to Andrade, who recently published a study on doodling in Applied Cognitive Psychology, is to provide just enough cognitive stimulation during an otherwise boring task to prevent the mind from taking the more radical step of totally opting out of the situation and running off into a fantasy world.

When I host small Friendship Groups with students, I often put a bowl of rocks, shells, stick, cones into the middle of the circle in case anyone needs something to fiddle with. A group the other day began building with the objects while we were discussing some of their problems and concerns. Their sculptures were beautiful and inspiring and a nice example for this article! One child preferred the erasers!

Together We Can Make a Difference: Open Space with Children

On January 20th, 2009 after President Obama’s Inauguration Ceremony 45 third graders gathered in a circle for an Open Space event.

Three students on a planning committee decided the questions that would guide the students’ time together:

• What is something that a group of people working together can change?
• What is something that you think is important in our school or in our world that you would like to discuss?
  

The planning committee started the open space with a poem and a story.
The opening poem by Mila Kopp:


And another student told a story:

Once you get older it’s harder for people to change your mind so you’re not as much of a help to the community when they’re trying to think of something to do or when something’s wrong and they need help and are deciding what to do. For instance, with my grandfather, it’s really hard for people to change his mind because he just thinks one thing is right and if something else is right and someone tells him, because he’s older, it’s a lot harder to change his mind and it might not even happen.

The students were told how the process of Open Space works… and then they got to it, deciding what they wanted to talk about, posting their topics and attending the sessions. Students had paper to take notes and had the option of using a talking piece to facilitate their conversations. Some students were given video cameras to interview and document the process.

This same process was repeated 2 more times with groups of 1st and 2nd graders. Below are examples of topics that were posted, some of their notes, and comments from the closing circles. All of the student's brave spelling has be preserved. For the complete list of Topics, Session Notes and Closing Circle Comments download this document.

Topics Posted

• How to save the animals
• Don’t be rude
• Stop violence, It may cause other bad issues
• Sushi in hot lunch’s
• Don’t kill animals for coats
• Do not be to loud. Try to be silent.
• Save papper saves trees
• Globle Warming – When you have to go a short way, don’t take your car!
• FREEDOM OF CHOICE
• Fair and unfair
• Palushin
• being raspactfoll
• wrcing to gether in socor
• Help stop war
• Bing Nice With Othrs
• Life
• Being helpful
• how to work out prablums
• Welcome people into gam’s

Session Notes

Polution
Notes

• “I think that pollution is rong because I think the earth should be in it’s healtyest condition and everyone should carpull as much as possible.”
• “If you polute, that leads to global waring witch leads to us.”
  

What can we do now?

• “Groups can like get together and pick up litter.”
• “Everyone should always carry a bag with them to carry litter that you find on the ground and picked up.”
  

Globle Warming
Notes

• If you have to go a short way, don’t take your car!
• Put up sines to stop globle warming
  

What can we do?

• STOP Globle Warming (happy voice) in ten years (Deep Voice)

Save the animals
Notes

• Adopt a pet at Cat Adoption Centers and other places
• Look for lost pets
• Look in allys
• Start your own adoption center

How to save the animals
What can we do now?
3. be president and make a law that says you can only kill animals once a year
4. make a complante to the president

Gasoline
What can we do now?

• Walking, biking
• Invent vical that runs on trash or sun, rain
• hybrid
• carpool
  

Bing nice with others
Notes

• Be nice to others
• Telling others to be nice
• Nicely tell others to be nice
  

Talk don’t hit
What can we do now?

• We will say, “Talk don’t hit!” and we will try not to do it ourselves

Being helpful
Notes
Examples

• Yore little brother is skating and you help him.
• Yore little brother got a shot you put a bandade on him

Doing the dishes
Notes

• Save energy by not using dish water
• Tirn off the faucet more
• People make it easier
• sistrs and brothers can help

Help stop war
Notes

• Traiding reciorses

Talk it out
Notes

• We think it is important to talk it out because
• We have a lot of issues to talk out
• if you don’t talk, it sometimes get to step 3 (that’s bad!)
• You need to protect your body

Talking to people
Notes

• Talk to people instead of hitting
• If you are shy talk
• If you are a chatterbox let others have a chance to speak
  

How to stop polushin
Notes

• Not cut down tree
• Rideing bikes ensted of cars
• Don’t wast water
• Don’t kill animals
• Don’t drive bad mpg cars
• Drive hyurids
• Don’t wast paper

Stop Palooting
Notes

• New invechins
• New fuels
  

Playing
Notes

• If someone is playing and made up an idea it could lead to a big problem if they don’t include the other person in the idea
• Playing is dangerus
• You should not exclude other people
  

Closing Circle Comments
What did you find interesting? What did you learn?
Did you hear anything you haven’t thought about before?

• If you want to save gas and not pollute the Earth, you should definitely carpool. I also want to give a compliment to my group for thinking of so much ideas.
• Me and my group came up with pollution. I think I’m sort of helping because I carpool. And I think people should ride bikes and scooters and walk more often then just riding cars. And if you just want to go over to the next store neighbors or the ice cream shop down the road, even though it’s faster to go on a car, you should probably just walk or scooter or bike ride.
• I agree with (another student) that you don’t need that many people, you only need like 5, you don’t need like 15 or 20 or 50. You don’t need huge numbers like that.
• I learned that when everyone pitches in just a little bit, it can make a giant difference.
• I discovered how to keep clean water
• I discovered how pollution can make the air dirty and hurt people and animals
• I learned about factories that are bad for the environment, and the importance of different energy sources
• I learned that a lot of people were thinking about how cars pollute the earth
• We talked about how to stop wars
• I discovered a lot of people have ideas too.
• I discovered that once you think about it, there is a lot more waste
• I discovered there is a lot of things to change and like President Obama, we should start.
• I learned it can actually be pretty fun to work with other people
• Teacher: I learned that you all can have important conversations by yourselves and that you don’t need the adults there. I also learned that you can self-organize what you want to talk about.
  

Can You Help Me Write a Song?

As a school counselor I host Friendship Groups in classrooms. In the past I was responsible for 15 classes (preschool through 3rd grade). This year my main focus is with 9 classes (1st-3rd) which is providing me an exciting opportunity to be more explicit in the curriculum that I use and develop. I imagine there will be more to share about that as the year proceeds.

At the moment I’m focusing on our starting rituals. An important element at the beginning of a group is some sort of shared ritual, shared experience. When I was a teacher with my own classroom, I used a song for this. When I entered this job with 15 classes that I move between I started my groups with a bell and moment of silence. Unfortunately, however, coming and going busily from one class to the next, I was inconsistent and eventually stopped using the bell regularly. This year I want the opening ritual to be sacred. To always start each group.

I would like to create a song that shapes the space and invites us to be connected to ourselves and connected to one another.

Qualities of the song that I am interested in:

• I’d like the song to be punchy – to invite body movements and voice inflection, to invite us to wake up and be engaged! A celebration.
• I’d like for the song to provide an opportunity to experience harmony with each other, a vocal sense of togetherness.
• I would like the song to invite us to be in our bodies, connected to our hearts with open minds, ready to learn, and connected to each other.
• I imagine that at the end of the song there is a brief moment of silence.

Below are some words I’ve been playing with… they’re not ‘right’ yet, but it will give you a sense of the direction I’ve been exploring.

And then comes the request (you knew this was coming, right!): Do you have ideas to add to the creation of this song? I’m not very developed in my musical sensibility. Are you? Do you have a tune to offer that this song could go to? Would you like to help me create this song? If you’re technologically inclined and want to share an audio idea with me, I believe you can sing into this site, odeo.com… or if you want to schedule a phone call, send me an email and we’ll set a date to talk (opening space (one word) @gmail.com).

Thank you so much for any help you have to offer.

The latest version I’ve been playing with:

You and me are here right now
Alive in our bodies
I’ve got an open mind
Ready for new ideas

I’m going to listen from my heart
I’m going to speak from my heart

You and me are here right now
Let’s feel us here together

….bell….

Roots of Empathy on CBS

Another taste of Roots of Empathy

Screen Time for Children

I'm doing some research for a curriculum project of articulating social and emotional developmental standards for students ages three to fourteen.

I found the excerpt below about media and screen time in the Washington State Early Learning and Development Benchmarks guide:
"Inappropriate use of media/screen time (e.g. television, videos, comptuter and video games) can negatively impact a child's social and emotional development by contributing to aggressive behavior, desenitization to violence, nightmares, and fear of being harmed. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends discouraging screen time for children younger than 2 and encouraging interactive activitie that will promote brain development (e.g., playing, talking, singing, and reading together). For older children, the AAP recommends that caregivers limit children's total media/screen time to no more than 1 to 2 hours per day of quality children's programming."

Empathy

Empathy by Mikala
Age 6

Pen and Ink. Unsolicited gift to mom. Has been hanging on the fridge...

Speaking of empathy and compassion, look at this recent entry to the What Does Compassion Look Like? Campaign. Wow.

Roots of Empathy

Here are some articles and a video about Roots of Empathy, another program I am involved in that Seeds of Compassion has brought to the Seattle area. I'll also take this moment to express my gratitude for being connected with these amazing initiatives. A deep source of hope and inspiration for our future.

• Parent Map - Teaching Empathy: Seattle Launches a Compassion Movement
• The Wall Street Journal - Learn by Cooing: Empathy Lessons from Little Tykes
• Seattle PI - Anti-bullying Program Aims to Teach Students Empathy
• Seattle's Child - Subject: Empathy 101 Instructor: Baby Elsa (scroll down for the article)

What Does Compassion Look Like?

Hello,

You are absolutely the perfect people to share your art, wisdom and participation with this exciting Seeds of Compassion initiative: What Does Compassion Look Like? The campaign is geared towards children and you adults are welcome to participate as well. Invite some of your children's friends over (any ages), tell their teachers, volunteer to work with an after-school group at a nearby school or at your community center, call your nieces, nephews, grandchildren and friends together, share this information with anyone and everyone across the globe that interacts with children. Let's help the children's expressions shine and be seen so that our communities may learn from the wisdom that youth have to teach us about compassion.


Bird by Anna, Age 13, Lake Washington Girls Middle School

I was inspired by the warmth and compassion that a phoenix represents. To me, warm colors always evoke hope, kindness, and all that this campaign encourages

Compassion comes in all shapes and sizes, but it means the same thing wherever you go. Compassion is the ability to believe in something with your whole body, mind, and soul. It is the ability to devote your time, and even your life to a cause. Everyone thrives with compassion, it is the light that makes all things grow.

~ Indigo M., Grade 7, Seattle Girls School

This is your opportunity to explore what compassion is to you - how it shows up in your life, how you think it affects the world, what happens when we live without compassion. This is an invitation for you to create and express. Please share your experiences and views of compassion through drawings, photography, poetry, videos, spoken word – whatever medium resonates for you.

This project is part of the amazing initiative, Seeds of Compassion, whose intention is to bring compassion to the lives of children and adults throughout Washington State and beyond. Together we can create a more compassionate today and tomorrow.

I picture a world full of the sound of peace,
and empty of the racket of violence.
~ Gamada, Age 11, ArtsCorps

The Loving Owls by Javon
Age 7, Giddens School.
Compassion means showing others that you care for them
and that you will stick up for them when they need help.

P.S. If you do participate (which I hope you will) please make sure to let me know so that I can see and share your artwork with our community here. And if you're an adult and want to participate, don't let the focus towards children stop you. Let your creative expression flow!!

What Can We Give to Others?

We each have a lot to give.

“Each of us possesses a wealth of ideas, talents, skills, and the fruits of our interests that we can share with others. Some people give their singing, some give vegetables from their garden, some give cookies, some give poems or paintings.” Some give compliments, some give encouragement.

“Even if all personal skills and talents were set aside, there are some things that we all can give: time, energy, and attention.”

“If, as a society, we want to raise caring adults, it will be important to provide opportunities for young people to find out what their gifts are and to experience themselves as givers – active, aware givers.”

“We will also want our children to practice being receivers – active, aware receivers. Willingness to receive from another is an additional gift that we all have to give. Receiving a gift with genuine acknowledgment and appreciation for the giver generates a flow of goodwill. The result is that each person is an equal partner in a dance of mutual giving.”

from The Compassionate Classroom by Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson.

In the Kindergarten classes we discussed that we all have things that we can share and give to others. I asked the students what they have to give to others. Here is what the three classes came up with:

* Love
* Thanks
* Friendship
* Our body and energy to help win a game
* A house
* Confidence
* Expectance
* Respect
* Fool’s gold
* Songs – say or play them
* Clothes
* Leggos/toys
* Ice cream
* Animals
* Water bottles
* Listening
* Ideas
* Patience Sharing with others
* Valentine’s day cards
* Clothes – to people and children that need things
* Money to people to buy things
* Buy toys for others
* Listen to them
* Gifts
* Attention
* Money from our allowance (give to the poor)
* Smiles
* Songs
* Hugs
* Things that they need
* Listen, Give them attention
* Kisses
* Letters
* Packages
* Papers
* Pictures
* Poems
* Kindness
* Doing good things – running, climbing
* Tips
* Valentine hugs
* Hugs
* Skills to protect themselves
* Help to people
* Valentine kisses
* Moves to help themselves
* Candy and presents

It was also mentioned that some families have a “Give Away Basket” or “Goodwill Basket” where anyone in the family can put clothes or toys or other items to give to others who are not as fortunate as we are.

Making Our Fraction of the World a Better Place

A small group of third grade boys decided they wanted to discuss the topic of How to make school a better place and improve it. The conversation went to the topic of global warming. I asked the students if they really thought that it was possible for the seven of us in this room to do something that could make a difference. One child responded, “We can help make our fraction of the world a better place.” Below are the ideas and comments that emerged around this theme.

What can we do right now to make our fraction of the world a better place?

Help with Global Warming

• Water all the plants to help since with global warming there is not enough water in parts of the Earth.
• Use lights less
• Get a car that doesn’t run on gas
• Don’t waste paper
• Use water sparingly
• Use biodiesel

“Lots of people are suffering from global warming – some are people I know who don’t have enough water.”

Use less water

• Take showers instead of baths. Take short showers
• Turn off water when shaving or brushing your teeth
• Don’t flush the toilet if you don’t have to

“I did an experiment. I took a one minute bath and a one minute shower. The bath took more water. That surprised me. Showers can be more effective.”

“In some places you can’t even water your garden. That’s sad.”

“If you’re doing something that seems normal to you, think about other people who can’t do that.”

Ashley asks, “What are some things that we have or are doing right now that other people might not have?”

• We have toys in here that others don’t have
• Watches
• Access to special drinks that others don’t have
• Health and protection
• Medicine
• Electricity
• Warm clothing

More things we can do to make our fraction of the world a better place

* Turn lights off if you don’t need them
* Use light bulbs that use less electricity
* Think about how we can help people that don’t have as much as we do
* Donate foot, water, money, shelter, clothes, tents
* Donate books that you are not reading anymore or if you have more than one copy
* Have a yard sale and then donate some or all of the money that you make
* You can donate to the donation truck or Salvation Army

“Little things can lead up to big things… like pushing in chairs to make more space.”

More things we can do right now to make our fraction of the world a better place:

• Respect elders and older people.
• They don’t want to feel like idiots or to feel like they’re crazy because they’re old.
• They are wise because they’ve learned a lot of stuff through going through life.
• They’ve witnessed things that other people haven’t – they know what it’s like
• Ask them questions and inquire about their life.

Childhood Memories from a Workaholic

A professionally successful woman in her late 40’s began to recognize that she was a workaholic. With this new awareness came a difficult practice of re-prioritizing where she expends her time and energy. During this process she wondered what situations in her early life might have helped shape her belief that to belong and be valued, she had to work hard and be successful. Below is a passage from her journal.

I offer this genuine account as a resource to help us better understand the ways in which children perceive how others respond to them, construct beliefs based upon those perceptions, and then make life decisions that stem from those beliefs. I wonder if any of the children in our lives could relate to parts of this story? I also invite us to continue to explore unconditional ways that we can help reinforce each child’s inherent value.

When did I first start showing signs of workaholism?

As a young child, pre-school age, I had lots of time to kill. My parents both worked and we were often left in the charge of my oldest sister. My brother often beat up on me if we played together, and our house was out in the suburbs, at a time when the suburbs were still mainly woods. If we weren’t out in the woods “exploring” or making forts, then I would be in the house, reading--always the safest choice with my brother around. I could read at a very early age, and I learned to write well before I went to school.

Going to school was very traumatic for me. I felt abandoned by my Mom, and terrified of all the other kids. I guess that makes sense because I pretty much grew up knowing only a handful of kids in our isolated neighborhood. Most of my play time was spent alone, or with my brother, doing unstructured kinds of things rather than playing games.

Because I had never socialized with other kids, I didn’t know what to do during recess. I often walked around by myself. I came to prefer class to recess, and if I could, stayed in at recess to keep working (aha!). I was much more comfortable with the teacher or teacher’s aide, than out on the playground, because it felt so dangerous (all those kids I didn’t know, playing games I didn’t know how to play). Reading was always an acceptable activity--both at home and at school.

I don’t remember being competitive, though, at least for the first two years. I liked the activities (reading groups, making things)….For my first two years of school, I tried hard to do well (but was not the outstanding achiever) and more than anything, I wanted to make friends and be accepted.

We moved when I was eight years old, two things happened:

1. I was no longer invisible. Because of my accent, the other kids made fun of me (“you talk slow”), and
2. because of the better schools where I was from, I was one or two years ahead of my classmates.
   

First, I got lots of attention from the teachers because I performed so well. Second, because I was so “smart” the other kids stopped teasing me, and I had some cache as a playmate in competitive learning games. On the playground, marbles was the big game, and I learned how to play, and became a master marble player. Marbles is an everyman-for-himself kind of game, not one that fosters a sense of team spirit or collaboration. Plus we played "for keeps" and I amassed an impressive collection of beautiful marbles that I my parents would never have bought for me. In fact, because of my prowess, playing marbles was banned by the school (after parents complained that their children were spending money on marbles and then losing them). I earned respect on the playground, and in the classroom. In my old town, I was not special. In the new city, I was.

In the fourth grade, I was often rewarded with special privileges for being done with work. I ran messages for the teachers, I got to set up activities, and when they started a gifted program, I got to participate (lots of fun learning activities that were self-paced, rather than the rote learning of most classroom activities). My friends were all the gifted students. Being smart and hardworking was what set us apart and gave us our privileges.

At home, the one thing that got praise from Mom was my working hard to help her. So, between school and working at home, the pattern was set. Hard work, and being the best at something, was what made me worthwhile, made me somebody.

The Peril of Praise

This New York Magazine article, How Not to Talk to Your Kids: The Inverse Power of Praise has been making its way through the email circuit. I found it to be a great article, well worth the read if you are involved in the lives of children (and adults!). Also, here is a handout that you can download that complements this article.

For a few decades, it's been noted that a large percentage of all gifted students (those who score in the top 10 percent on aptitude tests) severely underestimate their own abilities. Those afflicted with this lack of perceived competence adopt lower standards for success and expect less of themselves. They underrate the importance of effort, and they overrate how much help they need from a parent.

[In a research study, fifth-grade students were] randomly divided into groups, some were praised for their intelligence. They were told, "You must be smart at this." Other students were praised for their effort: "You must have worked really hard."

Dweck had suspected that praise could backfire, but even she was surprised by the magnitude of the effect. "Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control," she explains. "They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child's control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure."

[In another study, students were taught] that the brain is a muscle. Giving it a harder workout makes you smarter. That alone improved their math scores.

Baumeister has come to believe the continued appeal of self-esteem is largely tied to parents' pride in their children's achievements: It's so strong that "when they praise their kids, it's not that far from praising themselves."

What would it mean, to give up praising our children so often? Well, if I am one example, there are stages of withdrawal, each of them subtle. In the first stage, I fell off the wagon around other parents when they were busy praising their kids. I didn't want Luke to feel left out. I felt like a former alcoholic who continues to drink socially. I became a Social Praiser.

These are only some scattered clips... there's much more in the article!!

Stop Means Stop Friendship Group

From a Kindergarten teacher's newsletter regarding our friendship group
this week:

This week Ashley talked about the
importance of “Stop means stop.” When someone tells you to stop doing a
behavior, you need to stop right away. We practiced this with a role
play. We also talked about courage. A child in our class gave the
definition of courage as, “Doing something that is hard to do.”
Sometimes it takes courage to tell someone to stop, especially when you
are friends with that person.

Obviously there is
more to this learning activity... hopefully to be written about later.

Creativity, Education, Intrinsic Strengths, Innate Curiosity and Play

Some educational and parenting resources for you:

A MUST see, hysterical and insightful TEDtalk with Sir Ken Robinson

Sir Ken Robinson is author of Out of Our Minds: Learning to be Creative, and a leading expert on innovation and human resources. In this talk, he makes an entertaining (and profoundly moving) case for creating an education system that nurtures creativity, rather than undermining it. (Recorded February, 2006 in Monterey, CA.)

Thank you Christoph for directing me to this talk.

An interesting NY Times article, So the Torah is a Parenting Guide?

“Indulged, coddled, pressured and micromanaged on the outside, my young patients appeared to be inadvertently deprived of the opportunity to develop an inside,” she writes in her book. “They lack the secure, reliable, welcoming internal structure that we call the ‘self.”’ ...

There is a Hasidic saying that Mogel quotes, “If your child has a talent to be a baker, don’t ask him to be a doctor.” By definition, most children cannot be at the top of the class; value their talents in whatever realm you find them. “When we ignore a child’s intrinsic strengths in an effort to push him toward our notion of extraordinary achievement, we are undermining God’s plan,” Mogel writes.

Which leads me to aPsychology Today article on the Sudbury Valley School

At Sudbury Valley School, there's no other way to learn. The 38-year-old day facility in Framingham, Massachusetts, is founded on what comes down to a belief about human nature—that children have an innate curiosity to learn and a drive to become effective, independent human beings, no matter how many times they try and fail. And it's the job of adults to expose them to models and information, answer questions—then get out of the way without trampling motivation. ...

Play—it's by definition absorbing. The outcome is always uncertain. Play makes children nimble—neurobiologically, mentally, behaviorally—capable of adapting to a rapidly evolving world. That makes it just about the best preparation for life in the 21st century. Psychologists believe that play cajoles people toward their human potential because it preserves all the possibilities nervous systems tend to otherwise prune away. It's no accident that all of the predicaments of play—the challenges, the dares, the races and chases—model the struggle for survival. Think of play as the future with sneakers on.

What do friends do?

In a previous class, students drew a picture of friends doing something after learning skills for active listening. This lesson begins by asking the students what they can remember about being an active listener. Once most of the important points have been named, invite them to practice active listening again today while we share our pictures from last week.

Students who wish can share their drawing of friends doing something. Create a list of things that friends like to do. This list can be a resource for children who are looking for something to do, especially at recess. It can even be made into a wheel that is labeled with ideas for things to do that children can turn to when in need. While the students are sharing their art work, the other children are practicing active listening. If students forget, remind them that we are practing active listening and inquire about one thing that you do when you are actively listening.

If there is extra time the students can color in the drawings they made.

One class asked if the drawings can be made into a book... We'll explore that more when they share their drawings next week.

Friends Doing Something

After the Active Listening lesson, the students return to their tables to draw a picture with just pencil of friends doing something. As they finish the teacher writes on the back (for a class with Kindergartners) what the friends are doing. Next week, to practice Active Listening, the students who wish will present their pictures to the class and follow the discussion that unfolds.

Modeling Active Listening and Not Interrupting

Lesson from Teaching Children to Care by Ruth Sidney Charney. What follows is a slightly modified quote found on page 109-111

Demonstrating

"I am going to demonstrate [active] listening, so imagine that Ms. Jones is sharing a story at meeting time and I am a good listener. Watch me." (Ms. Jones is the assistant teacher and has been recruited for this modeling.) Ms. Jones begins to tell about their trip to the museum. I sit still, facing her, and when she finishes, I raise my hand and ask a question.

Noticing

After Ms. Jones answers my question, I ask the class, "What did you notice I did as a [active] listener?"

• You looked at Ms. Jones
• You didn't fidget or anything
• Yes. I kept my body still.
• You raised your hand.
• When?
• You waited until she was done to raise your hand.
• You asked a question

Summarizing and Reminding

I summarize and remind students of the discussion that just took place. "[Active] listeners are still, look at the speaker, and raise their hands with a question after the speaker is finished. Remind me, what's one thing you do when you listen? Who else remembers something?

Have students demonstrate

Now it's a student's turn to demonstrate. "Who thinks they can show us how to be an [active] listener?" I ask. (I may reset the stage with anew speaker or use the same exact setup as before.)

Repeat Noticing

I then ask the class for responses to the student's demonstration. I might ask, "What was one thing you noticed that showed Alisha was listening?" or "Who noticed something Alisha said that showed she listened?" To stretch children's observation skills, I ask, "Who noticed one more thing Alisha did to show she was listening carefully?"

Everyone Practices

The lesson isn't complete until everyone has a chance to practice the behavior. In this case, it is easy to have everyone practice listening in the circle. Sometimes the behavior is practiced later, in the context of the day.

Paradoxical modeling

After children 'get' the appropriate behaviors, it may be effective to model how not to do the behaviors, using real examples we've seen from the class. I never cite names or make fun of individuals, but when I model what is clearly them, they are amused and know that I've been watching. I might use examples like the following:

• "Is this [active] listening? Why not?" (I model rapt concentration on my shoelaces.)
• "Is this [active] listening?" (I wave my hand madly through the presentation.)
• "Is this [active] listening?" (I send hand signals across the room to a friend.)
• "Is this [active] listening?" (I ask a question that the speaker has already answered.)
  

Ideas for Lessons of Exploration

Here is a list of ideas for social and emotional lessons that have emerged from reading such resources as Teaching Children to Care by Ruth Sidney Charney, Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson, Teaching Children Compassionately: How Students and Teachers Can Succeed with Mutual Understanding by Marshall Rosenberg, attending a workshop with educators and the Dalai Lama, and other ideas that just pass my way.

• Being a good listener
• What is power? Exploring power to assert oneself in a positive way. Students share times when adults have power over them. Brainstorm a school where students have power over adults. How would it feel to be a student in the classroom? How would it feel to be a teacher? What would it be like if power was shared and there was respect in the school What would the teachers do? What would the students do?
  
• How to enter a new group
• Choosing an activity, something you want to be doing
• What are our inner thoughts and beliefs?
• "Being the boss" of your own body. Staying parked in your spot. Keeping you hands only on yourself. Listening
• Raising your hand and keeping your hand in your lap when another is talking.
• Getting help from peers
• Learning how to invite people to join a game
• Learning what to say if someone wants to join a game
• Learning how to share 1 box of crayons or 3 pairs of scissors with 8 children
• Using kind language
• What words feel like and sound like to others
  
• Asking questions
• Solving problems together
• Having fun and enjoying jokes without teasing
• Learning expectations for behaviors during class
• What do you hope to do and learn this year?
• Draw what it would look like if your hopes came true.
• Visual dialogue -- communicating with lines and shapes. No words or letters. Each person is a different color.
• How good questions can expand and deepen an interaction -- Tell the first part of a story and have kids write questions for it to continue
• What can you do if you see someone making fun of someone else?
• What if you don't understand what a teacher means but everyone else in the class seems to understand. Do you fake it? Ask a question?
• What do you most want to work on this year in school?
• What is most important to you?
• Parents: What do you most want your child to achieve this year?
• Teachers: Name a unique, verifiable area of growth for each child.
• Thinking of and sharing what you would like to be complimented for.
• Role playing guidelines -- exaggerate and have fun. A role play where the person who has a problem plays the person with whom they have the problem
• Asking students what they wonder about. Asking teachers and parents what they wonder about.
• Feeling the emotional mood of a room
• Good friends that don't always want to be together -- how to say tactfully that I want to be by myself or to play with others today.
• Tone of voice for wanting to play or having a good idea.
• Saying "I like it and it's good for me" in group decision
• Exploring welcoming, greeting, hosting
• In a class meeting, share a mistake you made and what you learned from it.
• How to plan ahead
• Recognizing emotions
• Helping to control arousal
  
• Helping to put into words inner life
• Standing up for things that you think are unfair and cruel. If you don't stand up for it, you're condoning it. Having the courage to say and do whatever is needed to make things fair.
• Social responsibility
• Forgiveness -- What is forgiveness? How difficult it is to forgive. Why is it sometimes difficult to forgive? How when we forgive it decreases our own burden.