Children Keeping it Simple, Teaching Simplicity

A few inspiring comments from my teachers in simplicity, children.

• I was participating in Seattle’s Martin Luther King, Jr., March and Rally this year with some of the faculty, students and parents from the school I work at. During the march one of our first graders looked up at me and said, “Oh, I know why you’re here today, Ashley.” “Why?” I asked. “Because this is all about friendship… and you’re the friendship teacher.”
  
  (fyi: I host Friendship Groups, a class that all the students in the class participate in just like math or reading. The aim is to help students deepen their ability to connect with and understand themselves and others. It's all about friendship... with ourselves, others and the world around us!)
  
  
• During Obama's presidential inauguration Rev. Joseph Lowery was talking about love,
  "And now, Lord, in the complex arena of human relations, help us to make choices on the side of love, not hate; on the side of inclusion, not exclusion; tolerance, not intolerance."
  
  I looked in front of me as a Kindergartner was staring down at his little hands, shaping them into a heart. That image summed up where my hope for our future lies... in love.
  
  
• After the inauguration we hosted an Open Space with the 3rd graders. One child's closing remarks, "I learned that when everyone pitches in just a little bit, it can make a giant difference."
  
  
• Words of wisdom that a 2nd grader told me over lunch one day that I am practicing and trying to better embody, "Just listen until your mind gets deeper and then you'll understand."

I am so grateful for all the gifts that are bestowed upon me by these wise humans who are so willing to share their world.

heart photo by samantha celera

Keep Your Brain Entertained

An interesting npr segment on how active our brain gets when we are bored. Daydreams can suck us into an ever-interesting world of distraction. According to this article, if you want to stay engaged with the content at hand, keep your body engaged on something such as doodling. Don't let the mental activity get the best of you if you want to continue focusing, give your hands something else to do.

When the brain lacks sufficient stimulation, it essentially goes on the prowl and scavenges for something to think about. Typically what happens in this situation is that the brain ends up manufacturing its own material.

In other words, the brain turns to daydreams, fantasies of Oscar acceptance speeches and million-dollar lottery wins. But those daydreams take up an enormous amount of energy.

The function of doodling, according to Andrade, who recently published a study on doodling in Applied Cognitive Psychology, is to provide just enough cognitive stimulation during an otherwise boring task to prevent the mind from taking the more radical step of totally opting out of the situation and running off into a fantasy world.

When I host small Friendship Groups with students, I often put a bowl of rocks, shells, stick, cones into the middle of the circle in case anyone needs something to fiddle with. A group the other day began building with the objects while we were discussing some of their problems and concerns. Their sculptures were beautiful and inspiring and a nice example for this article! One child preferred the erasers!

Patience, Understanding, Love, Acceptance

by Kim Hix

Patience, understanding, love, acceptance are gifts we all need from each other but they are specially important for children with disabilities, of any kind. It is difficult to ignore rude, hurtful comments, to be left out and laughed at. Unfortunately this is a common childhood occurrence, however on a more frequent and constant basis for children who are different. Children who are already fragile due to any kind of illness, disability or impairment are easy targets for those who are stronger and more confidant. Self esteem is something we all have whether it be high or low, and how we perceive ourselves, abilities and worth are all too often dependant on others. My wish is that we teach our children and ourselves to accept differences and embrace the individuality that we all have, to see beyond any physical, mental or emotional challenges. If you are a parent of a "high spirited, intense child" as I am, academically, socially and emotionally challenged; you have most likely heard some of the same accusations I have from parents of "perfect " children who do no wrong, who respond to their parents every command on queue, perfectly behaved and well mannered, who excel in sports and academics. I do not harbor resentment because there child may be everything mine is not, they are simply different, with gifts that may be harder to find to others, but not to me. My hope and prayer is that the people in general open their minds and come to realize that children like mine, and millions more ,who suffer with these illnesses, are not bad kids, not evil or purposefully oppositional, but are lovable, kind, funny, smart and full of promise as is every other child. Yes,they may do things differently, loudly, extremely,and outrageously. They need to be given understanding, reassurance, patience, acceptance and compassion. My wish is that other children who feel different for any reason find hope, promise, acceptance and the gift that is within them and realize they are not alone. Mental illness is not a choice, it is not contagious, it does not make you "less than". I hope our story will open the lines of communication for parents and children, friends and neighbors to discuss and explore behavior they may not understand. My biggest hope is that children who are seeking acceptance,understanding and answers be able to find that from parents, peers, teachers and siblings and to know they are not alone in their challenges.

Kim Hix is participating in the WOW! Women on Writing Blog Tour, promoting her book No One is Perfect and YOU Are a Great Kid.

Next Blog Tour Guest, Kim Hix

The next WOW! Women on Writing author that will visit Educating for Wholeness is Kim Hix promoting her book, No One is Perfect and YOU Are a Great Kid, winner of Best Children's Book for ages 6 and under, Reader Views Award for 2007 Annual Literary Awards. She will write an entry on February 17th. For now I'll tease you with a bit about Kim and her book.

No One is Perfect and YOU are a Great Kid is a lovely book written about Zack, a young boy who struggles daily with ever changing moods. He tries to understand why he gets very sad, upset, discouraged and angry in response to what most would consider insignificant events. Zack often feels different, left out, and isolated due to his moods. He poses thought provoking questions to his audience that can spur some meaningful conversation.

This book will touch your heart and anyone who has a special child in their life who struggles with any degree of emotional, behavorial, or psychiatric disorder.

"My name is Kim Hix and I am the mother of a very special young boy who struggles with emotional difficulties. He has experienced an array of moods from an early age, which include rages, depression, anxiety, and drastic mood shifts. In our journey to find help, we've encountered many specialists and interesting people. During this time, my son dealt with feeling different from his peers, isolated, and at times, rejected. My son would express to me that he felt no one understood him and that he was the only kid in the world with these problems. What started out as a project to help my son, cultivated a desire to let other kids and parents know that they are NOT alone. In fact, millions of children are suffering with mental illness, neuropsychiatric disorders, and behavior disorders. They long to be accepted, to be normal, and just fit in. They suffer, and we, the parents, suffer all the while our hearts are breaking.

"This is why I wrote a book for Zack and kids like him, who struggle with feelings of being different. It is my hope that this story will offer some measure of comfort and belonging to the children who read it."

An Invisible String That Will Stretch and Not Break

photo by D.Hyuk

An amazing story about the bond between a mother and a daughter. I think it's a beautiful analogy that any family could play with.

Meredith has an ongoing story about an "invisible string" attaching her to her mother. This story began in a literal manner, when she at age two would wrap one end of a string around her mother and then wrap the other end around her own wrist and say that they were "connected forever." The string has morphed into an invisible string, that will "stretch and not break" when necessary, such as when she is at preschool. We have come to think of this string as an indication of her internal emotional state and a metaphor for managing separation.

For example, after a long and challenging day recently, she said that the string was very short and would break if her mother left her side. Her baby sister started crying, however, so then she added that her magic wand had turned the string into a "long golden thread that would stretch and not break" while her mother tended to the baby. "But," she warned, "when Rosie stops crying, it will turn back into a very short string that can break easily." She mentions the string every month or two, and we have come to appreciate her use of creativity and abstraction in expressing her psychological state.

~Seattle Mom

Take a Second Look

By Ruth J. Hartman

Sometimes it’s hard to love yourself. This is especially true when you’re fighting mental illness. I was diagnosed at age 27 with severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. My thoughts were a tangled mess of repetitive thoughts and unbelievable lies. Although I believed the lies my mind told me. How could I not? It’s all I knew at the time.

The people I love had a hard time understanding why I had suddenly become someone they couldn’t recognize. I realize now that I wasn’t giving those around me enough credit. At first, although I began seeing a psychiatrist and knew what was going on with me, I didn’t trust my family enough to tell them. What would they think of me? Would they disown me? But my parents, as well as my sibling and their spouses, were so very supportive and loving.

My friends were, as well. Maybe I should qualify that: I found out who my true friends were. It was a painful lesson, but one that ultimately showed me who I could trust with my life’s secrets.

My husband never wavered in his love and support. A lesser man would have run screaming through the door. Mine, however, showed me an even deeper love than I ever thought possible. He and I have always been best friends. Soul mates. This illness of mine threatened to shipwreck us, but true love prevailed. He showed me that love is so much more than what you think you’re getting on your wedding day. It’s deep commitment. It’s concern and empathy for someone, even when for the life of you, you don’t understand their actions.

Have you ever met someone who seemed so strange, you wanted to turn away? Pretend they didn’t exist? That’s how I used to react to people. Until I became one of those “strange” people. What I went through changed me forever. Now I find that I have more patience with others with any kind of disability, mental or otherwise.

In my job as a dental hygienist, it’s part of my job to go over a patient’s medical history at every visit. Occasionally, I come across someone who takes the same medication I do, or who has gone through psychiatric treatment. When I go over their histories and come to that section, the patients very often will lower their heads, and avert their eyes. But when I share with them that I’ve gone through something very similar, everything changes. Suddenly there’s camaraderie. A special trust that can only be known by someone who’s been there, who’s gone through something so horrible, only a very few will ever understand. It brings me to tears when I can actually help someone. Even a little. Maybe that’s why I’m here. Maybe that’s part of the reason God put me where I am.

So the next time you come across someone who seems different, unbalanced, “off” somehow, take a deep breath. Show more patience than you normally might have. Believe me, it will mean the world to someone who desperately just needs some understanding and kindness. And on behalf of those you take time to give a second look to, thank you.

Ruth Hartman is participating in the WOW! Women on Writing Blog Tour, promoting her new book, My Life in Mental Chains: My Struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Check it out.

WOW! Women on Writing Blog Tour

Educating for Wholeness is joining a Blog Tour! We will have the pleasure of hosting guest writers as participants in the WOW! Women on Writing Blog Tour. A blog tour is similar to an author's book tour, but it's hosted online, instead of at, say, a bookstore. The touring author visits a number of blogs (otherwise known as "blog stops") over a set period--typically, a month. It's a wonderful way to network with a readership the author might never get to meet in "real" life. For instance, tours take writers across the U.S., Canada, even Australia all in one month! Even the most gregarious traveler couldn't conquer that much territory in such a short time. But it's not about the territory covered, it's about the interesting people met along the way. The participating blogs are phenomenal. All of them offer something unique to the reader, and they all have different flavors. One thing is for certain, they are all a sweet treat.

The first author on our tour is Ruth J Hartman and her new book, My Life in Mental Chains: My Struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. This is a true life story about living with OCD. Ruth will be posting here tomorrow. Today, you can learn more about Ruth:

Ruth J. Hartman was once “normal.” She perceived the world around her as any other person would—until she turned 27. That’s when Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) dug in its claws and refused to let her go. Her world (and her family’s) was turned inside out.

Working as a dental hygienist was difficult enough, but trying to balance her work life with the challenges of OCD was overwhelming. Ruth’s family, friends, and co-workers didn’t understand why she suddenly acted so bizarre. She wanted to help them understand, but she couldn’t. She didn’t understand it herself.

My Life in Mental Chains is moving and tragic, yet in the end, it’s an uplifting story of personal faith and inner strength. Ruth’s insight will be a great comfort to OCD sufferers, their families, and their friends.

Together We Can Make a Difference: Open Space with Children

On January 20th, 2009 after President Obama’s Inauguration Ceremony 45 third graders gathered in a circle for an Open Space event.

Three students on a planning committee decided the questions that would guide the students’ time together:

• What is something that a group of people working together can change?
• What is something that you think is important in our school or in our world that you would like to discuss?
  

The planning committee started the open space with a poem and a story.
The opening poem by Mila Kopp:


And another student told a story:

Once you get older it’s harder for people to change your mind so you’re not as much of a help to the community when they’re trying to think of something to do or when something’s wrong and they need help and are deciding what to do. For instance, with my grandfather, it’s really hard for people to change his mind because he just thinks one thing is right and if something else is right and someone tells him, because he’s older, it’s a lot harder to change his mind and it might not even happen.

The students were told how the process of Open Space works… and then they got to it, deciding what they wanted to talk about, posting their topics and attending the sessions. Students had paper to take notes and had the option of using a talking piece to facilitate their conversations. Some students were given video cameras to interview and document the process.

This same process was repeated 2 more times with groups of 1st and 2nd graders. Below are examples of topics that were posted, some of their notes, and comments from the closing circles. All of the student's brave spelling has be preserved. For the complete list of Topics, Session Notes and Closing Circle Comments download this document.

Topics Posted

• How to save the animals
• Don’t be rude
• Stop violence, It may cause other bad issues
• Sushi in hot lunch’s
• Don’t kill animals for coats
• Do not be to loud. Try to be silent.
• Save papper saves trees
• Globle Warming – When you have to go a short way, don’t take your car!
• FREEDOM OF CHOICE
• Fair and unfair
• Palushin
• being raspactfoll
• wrcing to gether in socor
• Help stop war
• Bing Nice With Othrs
• Life
• Being helpful
• how to work out prablums
• Welcome people into gam’s

Session Notes

Polution
Notes

• “I think that pollution is rong because I think the earth should be in it’s healtyest condition and everyone should carpull as much as possible.”
• “If you polute, that leads to global waring witch leads to us.”
  

What can we do now?

• “Groups can like get together and pick up litter.”
• “Everyone should always carry a bag with them to carry litter that you find on the ground and picked up.”
  

Globle Warming
Notes

• If you have to go a short way, don’t take your car!
• Put up sines to stop globle warming
  

What can we do?

• STOP Globle Warming (happy voice) in ten years (Deep Voice)

Save the animals
Notes

• Adopt a pet at Cat Adoption Centers and other places
• Look for lost pets
• Look in allys
• Start your own adoption center

How to save the animals
What can we do now?
3. be president and make a law that says you can only kill animals once a year
4. make a complante to the president

Gasoline
What can we do now?

• Walking, biking
• Invent vical that runs on trash or sun, rain
• hybrid
• carpool
  

Bing nice with others
Notes

• Be nice to others
• Telling others to be nice
• Nicely tell others to be nice
  

Talk don’t hit
What can we do now?

• We will say, “Talk don’t hit!” and we will try not to do it ourselves

Being helpful
Notes
Examples

• Yore little brother is skating and you help him.
• Yore little brother got a shot you put a bandade on him

Doing the dishes
Notes

• Save energy by not using dish water
• Tirn off the faucet more
• People make it easier
• sistrs and brothers can help

Help stop war
Notes

• Traiding reciorses

Talk it out
Notes

• We think it is important to talk it out because
• We have a lot of issues to talk out
• if you don’t talk, it sometimes get to step 3 (that’s bad!)
• You need to protect your body

Talking to people
Notes

• Talk to people instead of hitting
• If you are shy talk
• If you are a chatterbox let others have a chance to speak
  

How to stop polushin
Notes

• Not cut down tree
• Rideing bikes ensted of cars
• Don’t wast water
• Don’t kill animals
• Don’t drive bad mpg cars
• Drive hyurids
• Don’t wast paper

Stop Palooting
Notes

• New invechins
• New fuels
  

Playing
Notes

• If someone is playing and made up an idea it could lead to a big problem if they don’t include the other person in the idea
• Playing is dangerus
• You should not exclude other people
  

Closing Circle Comments
What did you find interesting? What did you learn?
Did you hear anything you haven’t thought about before?

• If you want to save gas and not pollute the Earth, you should definitely carpool. I also want to give a compliment to my group for thinking of so much ideas.
• Me and my group came up with pollution. I think I’m sort of helping because I carpool. And I think people should ride bikes and scooters and walk more often then just riding cars. And if you just want to go over to the next store neighbors or the ice cream shop down the road, even though it’s faster to go on a car, you should probably just walk or scooter or bike ride.
• I agree with (another student) that you don’t need that many people, you only need like 5, you don’t need like 15 or 20 or 50. You don’t need huge numbers like that.
• I learned that when everyone pitches in just a little bit, it can make a giant difference.
• I discovered how to keep clean water
• I discovered how pollution can make the air dirty and hurt people and animals
• I learned about factories that are bad for the environment, and the importance of different energy sources
• I learned that a lot of people were thinking about how cars pollute the earth
• We talked about how to stop wars
• I discovered a lot of people have ideas too.
• I discovered that once you think about it, there is a lot more waste
• I discovered there is a lot of things to change and like President Obama, we should start.
• I learned it can actually be pretty fun to work with other people
• Teacher: I learned that you all can have important conversations by yourselves and that you don’t need the adults there. I also learned that you can self-organize what you want to talk about.
  

Ten Practical New Year's Resolutions for Parents

From Bright Horizons Family Solutions newsletter

1. Say yes more: to spending time and doing things together.

2. Say no more: to I want, I need, everyone has it, and everyone does it.

3. Worry less: about all the large and small highly sensationalized harm that exists out there. The overwhelming odds are with you (but drive carefully – without the cell phone).

4. Listen more; talk at less: Ask what do you think? What are you feeling? Tell me about it. What would you do?

5. Negotiate less; explain more: Our kids deserve to know the thinking behind our decisions and expectations, but should not be equal partners at the bargaining table. We are the parents.

6. Read a little more: to your child, with your child, and in front of your child – books, magazines, newspapers, notes.

7. Write a little more: notes of love, recognition, encouragement, responsibility, and daily appreciation of life.

8. Expect a little more: good behavior, responsibility, manners, kindness, and all of the goodness that lies within our children.

9. Expect a little less: constant scheduling and enrichment filled days. Slow down, you move too fast. Children need a lot of slow to grow.

10. Connect more: to family, friends, the community, those less fortunate, and the natural world.

'And' Instead of 'But'

In a recent parenting group we had a conversation around the use of the word ‘and’ as opposed to the word ‘but' in certain situations. For example, “You really want my attention right now. And, I am already in a conversation. You can hold my hand and wait quietly until I am finished.” Or “I can see that you don’t like my decision. And right now it is time to get ready to leave. Do you want to put your shoes on here or in the car?”

After the group I was thinking that by using the word ‘and’, we are acknowledging the reality that there are 2 experiences being had. The child is having their experience and the adult is having their experience. Using the word ‘and’ allows us to say that we acknowledge and accept both realities. And… as the adult… we might have to set a limit or be in charge of the direction that is happening next. We are doing this, however, by accepting the reality that the child is feeling something different. If we use the word ‘but’ then we are saying, “I know you feel that way. But this is the real truth.” “You really want my attention right now. But I am already in a conversation. You can wait.” You want my attention, but that isn’t important. All that is important is that I am already talking and you can wait.

This subtle nuance is a way to practice kindness and firmness at the same time. We can be firm by stating and sticking to a limit. We can be kind in our tone of voice, a non-judgmental attitude, and by acknowledging the child’s reality and saying ‘Yes’ to what they’re feeling or experiencing even if we have to say ‘No’ to a behavior.

I'd love to hear other thoughts about this topic.