The Value of Class Meetings

In a recent Positive Discipline training, Primary Division teachers brainstormed what students learn through participating in class meetings:

• Compromise
• Cooperation
• I’m important
• How to respectfully disagree
• Other people care
• Patience
• Planning skills
• Perspective about problems
• Ability to lighten up
• Strategies for problem solving
• Other’s perspectives
• Prioritizing
• Listening skills
• That they have a voice
• Persuasion
• Negotiation
• Taking turns
• There is more than one answer/perspective
• There is more than one solution

The Peril of Praise

This New York Magazine article, How Not to Talk to Your Kids: The Inverse Power of Praise has been making its way through the email circuit. I found it to be a great article, well worth the read if you are involved in the lives of children (and adults!). Also, here is a handout that you can download that complements this article.

For a few decades, it's been noted that a large percentage of all gifted students (those who score in the top 10 percent on aptitude tests) severely underestimate their own abilities. Those afflicted with this lack of perceived competence adopt lower standards for success and expect less of themselves. They underrate the importance of effort, and they overrate how much help they need from a parent.

[In a research study, fifth-grade students were] randomly divided into groups, some were praised for their intelligence. They were told, "You must be smart at this." Other students were praised for their effort: "You must have worked really hard."

Dweck had suspected that praise could backfire, but even she was surprised by the magnitude of the effect. "Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control," she explains. "They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child's control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure."

[In another study, students were taught] that the brain is a muscle. Giving it a harder workout makes you smarter. That alone improved their math scores.

Baumeister has come to believe the continued appeal of self-esteem is largely tied to parents' pride in their children's achievements: It's so strong that "when they praise their kids, it's not that far from praising themselves."

What would it mean, to give up praising our children so often? Well, if I am one example, there are stages of withdrawal, each of them subtle. In the first stage, I fell off the wagon around other parents when they were busy praising their kids. I didn't want Luke to feel left out. I felt like a former alcoholic who continues to drink socially. I became a Social Praiser.

These are only some scattered clips... there's much more in the article!!

Ways To Care For Ourselves

Here are some ideas that emerged in a staff training while exploring ways that we can take care of ourselves... The really important work that is an essential part of being present with and caring for others.

• Sleep
• Listen to or play music
• Go out
• Exercise
• Sing
• Have alone time
• Do yoga
• Watch sit-coms
• Watch a movie
• Have sex
• Drink a glass of wine
• Talk to others
• Do nothing
• Do needle work
• Snuggle
• Walk
• Create, do art
• Dance
• Take a bath
• Read a book
• Meditate/pray
• Soak in a hot tub
• Pet your cat